Red Alert! Shields up! It’s time to boldly booze where no one has boozed before.
Star Date: Saturday, July 09
Time: 7:00pm Show, 7:30pm “Engage”
Set a Course for: The Forest of the Unicorn Galaxy (the pool parking lot) 4500 Sherwood Trace, Gainesville, FL 32605
Length: 2.69-3.69ish Light Years
Turbulence level: 2.69ish
Federation Membership fee: $7 for sh!tty Klingon hash beer, photon torpedo shots, water, and special equipment
Hares: Admiral Legally Dead – Will Give Head, Admiral Rock Paper SexHer, and Admiral JAG
Away Mission Equipment to bring: a will to seek out new life and new civilizations, Starfleet palm beacon (AKA cranium lamp), Environmental suit (AKA shiggy socks or pants), Hypospray (AKA bug spray), Federation Membership certificate (AKA your ID), Starfleet recruits (AKA virgins), Outpost aliens (AKA backsliders), Duty station (AKA a chair), and Starfleet security uniform (but a plain red shirt will do).
Command will award a special little prize for the Ensign who goes full-nerd and has the best uniform.
Get your nerd-on Ensign Hasher! Study-up for your exam. No need to go deep to the Delta Quadrant. It’s only basic Star Trek trivia everyone should know.
Set phasers to party mode, because the ON-AFTER will be at the Forest of the Unicorn Galaxy pool. Live long and prosper. ON-ON!